Monday, October 15, 2012
Culture of the Hurried
In response to David Elkind's concept of the "hurried child", my initial reaction is complete agreement. Of course children are hurried- the world that we live in is a constant fast-paced whirlwind of stimulation. If we want to get away from it, it takes the intentional action of doing so: shutting off the phone, the tv, the computer. It's not the technology that is making the kids hurried- it's the information they are receiving from all angles of the media that is setting adult thoughts and ideas in to their minds at an age that might not yet be appropriate. It's going to happen at some point, but the access to all of these influences is just making things happen earlier. I see a lot of little kids that are exposed to movies and tv shows that are directed at an adult audience and it makes them think that they are supposed to act like that. Children start mimicking in the first year of life and they don't stop for a long time, if ever. Our goals and ideals in our country are to succeed, look good, be sexy, and go to school and get a a job that will make you as much money as possible, so you can buy as much stuff as possible. That seems like a pretty skeptical look at our country's culture, but it's out there. A child shouldn't have to worry about how much money they are going to have when they grow up. So in this sense, I do think they are being hurried. On the other hand, I don't see anything wrong with a kid (teenager) having a job, or there being chores for them to be able to help out around the house. There is a difference between learning to work hard and toward something and being rewarded and thinking about how successful they are going to be when they move out of their parent's house.
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Access of influence is an awkward part of the hurried child in my opinion. Where do we draw the line about about what is practical for a child to learn or witness and what is simply censorship that will potentially curb their development?
ReplyDeleteWe live in a world of information access, and in my opinion that is a wonder thing. Essentially in a lot of ways it's up to the parent to pick and choose what their child is exposed to. (to a good degree) Exposure to adult content in social media is one thing, but I feel like the greatest point in the hurried child is simply the relationship you choose to have with your child, and how you involve them in “adult situations.”
A couple of examples that I thought were good is allowing your child's involvement in the decisions about moving or a divorce. A lot of the time parents would take these things as being adult topics of conversation, and the child would have no say in the outcome of the events. The hurried child, as represented of today, might be asked his or her opinion on what they thought about moving or the divorce, how it would effect them, and allow them to be a stakeholder in the decision.
I think many would argue the idea that 'if you treat your child with respect as you would as an adult, he or she will more likely act with the maturity of one.” Likewise if you constantly treat your children as 'children' they will in turn have trouble gaining the qualities of what it is to be an adult.
I think the hurried child theory suggests that this level of involvement a child would receive in adult decision making would put the child in a position where he or she would be unable to have a a healthy period of childhood, and in turn would develop condescension of adults.
As I mentioned in my own blog, the expectations of children changes with every generation, and in turn what would be considered “adult content” in the past, might not be so much today.
I see your point in that "hurrying" a child could have to do with involving them in adult like decisions, such as moving or divorce. However, it's my opinion that children should not have to make decisions like that, ever. I realize it's more likely that the idea is to ask them what their opinion is on the topic. Children will almost always have a hard time with big life changes like the examples given, and more than asking them to help with decision making or input, let them vent, lean on you, and support them during the difficult time. Tough times can hurry a child in to growing up any way you go about it, but the kids who have emotional support, respect, and friendship in the home environment are a lot more likely to be able to handle it well, and still remain a kid.
DeleteIt's hard to know when to prompt a child to think like an adult. Then again, a lot of adults aren't hurried enough. I think a lot of times, parents raising their kids are too afraid of pushing their child to think for themselves, be independent, get a good job, etc. I've seen too many people (mostly men, unfortunately) struggle to get their lives started apart from their parents. When is the right time to teach your child how to do this? I personally think it takes baby steps, and it all starts with knowing the developmental stage your child is at.
ReplyDeleteSo i agree that children, especially teens, should have chores and responsibilities, etc. Some might not need it, but it's a good idea.
I agree, Brynn, baby steps. That really just means letting kids be kids and be able to develop at the pace appropriate for them. You do have a point about people who depend too heavily on their parents, but that is also usually something the parents enable them to do. I know it's difficult as a parent to be a sensor for your kids...you do what you can. I guess I just have hope that families make time to slow down a little on the weekends, go for a hike, or get away from the normal fast paced weekly stuff.
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